Surgery time has come again.. to fix my broken boobs!

Yeah that's right... I broke my boobs! ha! Around a month ago I noticed you could actually see a little part of my implant through my skin. I went to my doctor and asked him about it and he said that my muscle and tissue he sewed together separated. The tissue is there to cover the implant where the muscle doesn't fully cover it. He thinks I could have over did it by being a mom too soon and separated it. A few weeks after that I noticed it on the other side too! So he needs to go in and redo my implant surgery. He said it will be a tough surgery (more like the initial mastectomy because of the extensive repair work he has to do) bummer! So tomorrow I go in for a 3 hour surgery to fix the tear on each side. This time I am going to actually take it easy for the full amount of time tells me to so this doesn't happen again! Today I have a lot of things to do around my house but I decided to play and snuggle with my girls while I can and do everything tonight (run around like a chicken with my head cut off) but oh well, it's worth it because my girls are way too cute! :) AJ isn't being let off work tomorrow like we had planned so he can't be with me before or wait during my surgery, which sucks! But I am lucky to have a very good friend Cyndi who is going to come with me. She will hang with me until I go under and she is going to wait during my surgery. I hope everyone is blessed with friends like this. AJ said he is planning on being there before I wake up, lets hope he can! It's so frustrating! The girls will be with my grandma and my cousin Ashlee is going over there to play with them as well so they will have a fantastic day! Everything else has been going pretty well. My grandpa (my mom's dad) had a cancerous tumor removed a few weeks ago and goes in next monday to find out when he has to start radiation. I really hope he can wait until after Christmas but we will see. I'm pretty sick of the C word in our family. I hope all these surgeries will make my chances of cancer really diminish so that my family can quit having to deal with more cancer. blah! I'd like to ask you to all pray for my grandpa that his cancer won't return (that they did in fact get it all) and that my surgery goes smoothly and that AJ can make it there as soon as possible because I know it is really stressing him out. I need everything to go ok so I can rest, heal and then be a mom again because these girls grow so darn fast! I have 3 weeks until Christmas so I hope I can heal up and make my girl's Christmas as magical as my mom always made mine :) I'll update as soon as I can on how everything went.. I probably need to stop cage fighting so I don't break anything else this time! haha

Surgery #2 is Done!

I went in for outpatient surgery yesterday. They removed my breast expanders from under my muscle and put in gel implants. Then they took fat from my stomach and grafted it around the implants to make them look more realistic. I am sooo bruised. I'm wearing a compression garment around my stomach right now to try and minimize swelling and bruising. I'm not sure how long I have to wear it but it is protecting my tummy from being kicked by one of my children haha. I don't know how people can get lipo for fun, that hecka hurts! Lol. I am making a follow up appt for Monday today and hopefully he can shine some light on how long it will take to heal. My foobs (fake boobs lol) are finally not as hard as rocks! I would hurt rylie or AJ when I would hug them so having normal foobs again is so great! I am in some pain right now which is why I have been up since 4am, thank goodness for chick flicks! :) I have at least 1 more, possibly 2 more surgeries until my reconstruction is complete. They have to use more fat to graft and graft some skin from my stomach but I might wait a while until I don't have to carry Audrey because I will be down for quite a while like my first surgery and right now that would be way too hard. But I am getting there slowly but surely! I didn't have to get drains this time, almost but he decided against it. I was bleeding a lot more then the average person. He asked AJ if I took ibuprofen this week (which I had not) I just bled for some reason and bruised insanely a lot! But if you just barely touch me, I immediately bruise like a peach! (so there is no surprise that happened.) It was 3 months to the day since this all first started which was actually pretty quick! Some women took 3 to 4 months in fills alone, not including the wait time for 6 weeks I did before I got my 2nd surgery. I just had him fill me 120ccs in each side each time to get it over with. The last fill was 180ccs and I was in a lot of pain for at least 3 days but it was worth it to get it done quicker! The implants that he put in we're 750ccs. To those of you who understand sizes you might think that is huge. For women who get implants that large look like Heidi Montag (she is 700ccs) but her implants were under her existing breast tissue and fat, I don't have any. My implants are under my muscle otherwise they would just fall out if they were on top of my muscle like women who just have regular implants. So basically, since I don't have fat on top, my 750ccs are not ginormous, they are big but fit my frame really well since I am 5'9". My plastic surgeon placed them in me and moved the table while I was in surgery upward so he could decide which ones look best on me. It's crazy how much surgery has changed and how it's advanced! He is a wonderful surgeon with awesome beside manor! If anyone in Reno ever needs an amazing plastic surgeon, please ask me and I will give you his info! Rylie asked me yesterday before surgery why I do this. I told her that my boobs were going to make me sick so they had to get rid of them. AJ explained that they made her grandma Lori sick which is why she is in the sky in heaven and we didn't want mommy leaving so the doctors are fixing me. She is one smart 3 year old who actually grasps what we are saying, maybe not completely but she did agree that I needed to let the doctors fix me because she doesn't want me to leave her. That all reminded me why I'm going trough this pain, for my babies! All in all the surgery went well and I'm doing good so far. I just took some pain meds so I'm falling asleep while writing this so I better go! I just wanted to make sure everyone was in the loop because with all this going on, I didn't get to text or call everyone. AJ did that for me so I didn't know who he contacted haha. Oh well he tried and has been awesome through this recent surgery. Him and my dad too me to sushi last night on the way home from my surgery. I almost fell asleep in my soy sauce but AJ held on to me. He also fed me when my arms hurt too much... Now that's love! :) I think what makes all this easier for me is the amazing support system I have. Great friends and family and that makes me a very lucky girl. Thank you to all of you wonderful people in my life, I appreciate the kind words etc more then you all could know!

First Expander Fill!

Today I got my first expander fill and it went very well. It felt way weird because the needle was so big and it had to go through my muscle into the expander. They use a magnet over my chest to find the port, once they do he wipes it with iodine and then puts the very large needle into my boob. He filled me with one syringe and then hooked up the next. He filled me with 120cc's of saline in each side so now I have a grand total of 470cc's in each side. I have another fill appointment in 2 weeks and the another 2 weeks after that (the day before my birthday). I'm hoping that might be all the fills in need and then I can wait for a bit (hopefully a month) and then get my 2nd surgery to swap out the expanders for gel implants! A lot of women have to go to the doctor to get filled for a few months to get as many cc's as I am going to get but my surgeon likes to fill me up as much a possible each time to get it over quicker. (I guess it looks bettwr as well when its not drawn out) For instance, most women start with 100 to 150cc's after their initial surgery and then get 50-100cc's of saline at each fill. If my doctor did that I would only be at 200cc's currently and I'm almost at 500. So I am thankful he likes to get it done! I am blessed with my mom's very high pain tolerance because I'm handling this all very well. I currently have a cold so I took some ibuprofen to help me sleep but I'm really not in any pain at all. In fact, it's more comfortable to me to be full then when it gets stretched out because then my expanders shift and not only is it awkward that my boobs are lopsided from moving the wrong way (ha) but it can also hurt. Last night my expander kept jamming into my rib cage so I had to keep pushing it up, it looks like I'm constantly fondling myself but I'm really just trying to get comfortable haha. I apologize to whoever I am around and let them know I'm just trying to put my boobs (or "foobs" fake boobs) back in place so I don't look like "Blinkin" from Robin Hood Men In Tights. If you have seen it you might remember the scene when they dress up in disguises like women and Blinkin, who is blind, has very lopsided boobs. Little John looks at him and says "Blinkin, fix your boobs! You look like a bleedin Picasso!" yep, that's me! Haha (not that bad but the definitely move!)
All in all today was a success! I'm feeling very good (minus the cold) and I was given the ok to hold Audrey. I do get sore pretty quick because if you have ever held her you would know she beats the crap out of you! Lol I'm glad I can hold her though because she has her first cold/fever and it's not pleasant. She just wants her mom or dad so it's nice I can try to comfort her. I'm going on my first camping trip with my new foobs so let's hope all goes well and I don't fall on them and get a flat tire :). It has been suggested I fill them with air instead of saline, (by my loving family) so they are lighter but I think helium would be better because then I could float away like the old man in Up! Haha The things I think about late at night... Lol Good night all!!
(below is a picture I took of the very large needles used to fill me up.) :)

Goodbye drains!

All my drains are out! Yay!! It is so not fun getting them taken out but they are gone so I'm happy! I get to take a real shower tomorrow and I can't tell you how exciting that is. After going to the doctor we needed to run into Walmart for things like dog food, etc necessities and I was going to have AJ drop me off at home and take Audrey to the store but we live far from everything so I said screw it I'll go with you. I was doing really well but all of a sudden I started feeling nauseas (I've felt sick to my stomach all morning for some reason). It just got super strong so I told AJ to hurry it up. Then with every step I started feeling pain. I wasn't going to push any further so I said screw it and took the keys and went to the car. It was such a bummer because I've been stuck inside for a week and a half and getting out for just a bit sounded nice but I can't do it yet I guess. I'm going to go home, have something quick to eat, take some pain pills and crash out. I guess you need to appreciate the small things! So when you get in the shower, be glad you can, and that you are able to reach up and wash your hair without problems... I'm definitely not taking the small things for granted anymore! Yay for showers, as much as I loved getting sponge baths from everyone (ha! Right) I'm glad I'm done with that!!

It's been 1 week since surgery

Today I woke up in a lot of pain. I have been trying to get off of my pain meds and just take ibuprofen here and there. I have been setting an alarm at night to wake myself up and take some pain medication. Last night I didn't. I woke up this morning unable to move. AJ saw my face and immediately pulled me into a sitting position and gave me my prescription paid meds. I couldn't believe it's been a week and I feel like I am getting worse. Its not that I am actually getting worse, its that I'm on less pain medication so I'm feeling more. Unlike most surgeries, I won't start feeling better as time goes on. When people go through surgery, a week passes, 2 weeks pass and you slowly feel better. I will be able to do more but for months I will have pain. Thats what happens when you opt for reconstruction. During surgery Dr. Janiga (plastics) put in expanders under my breast muscles. He put in saline solution to start the expansion process. He put in more then he usually does at this step for a couple reasons, he felt that I could handle it and he wanted to get a jump start on my reconstruction process. This is used to stretch the muscle and skin so they can put the implants in (in a few months). Most of the skin over the breast muscle is numb but around it is so sensitive to the touch. Shirts hurt so bad against my skin. It feels like I have an extremely bad burn. My chest feels so tight. It feels like a super tight corset is around my chest while an elephant is sitting on it. I will go in and get my first fill (well 2nd but first after surgery) in a week or so and it will feel even tighter. This process is going to go on for a couple months and I am so unsure how I will handle constant pain. I am blessed to have a very high pain threshold, Rylie's 9 lb natural birth still holds the record for the worst pain I've ever been in (ha!), but this is constant for a very long period of time so it can be unnerving. I will be able to do it and every time I have severe pain I close my eyes, breath and picture my girl's faces (its amazing how they can always make me smile). If you have had the pleasure of being around them you know why. :) My drains currently make the pain a lot worse so I think I need to go back on my prescription meds until I hopefully get them out on Wednesday. It's hard to sit back and watch other people run my house and care for my kids. Its been pretty hard on AJ, he has been trying to juggle the girls, the house, meals and school (he is off work this week) and yesterday I thought I was going to run away from home but today went a lot more smooth. :)
Next step.. get drains removed! Lets hope it happens Wednesday!!

Drains.. How I hate thee!

Well I am getting 2 drains out in a little over 24 hours and I'm counting down each hour! I was able to have a sponge bath tonight which was sure better then nothing. It was not fun though, Shampoo was all that I could handle I said screw the conditioner I'm done! Lol I have to wait 2 weeks to get the other 2 out but at least I'm losing 2 on Friday. I have pockets in my shirt to hold my drains which is great but it can still snag on stuff. Donna was emptying my drains and by accident pulled on my tube, we both screamed and were scared to look and sighed in relief when we realized it was still stitched into my body haha. Picture 4 grenade drain stuffed under my shirt. I'm a lumpy mess, Rylie kept looking up my shirt to see if I had another baby in there. I said no baby and she said oh just fat then? Haha no Rylie, drains but thanks for the self esteem boost! Lol. Kids make my day! My friend Cyndi brought over Spaghetti and salad for dinner tonight, it was delicious. I had her stay and eat because I haven't seen her in so long and it was nice to visit with her. We also got cookies from my neighbor Amanda which was super nice and delicious! She was a nurse in my recovery so if I have any questions I can just run next door, so nice. I'm such a lucky duck :) Oh my Pathology report came back and it's all cancer free!! Fantastic news! Well good night all let's hope I get some pain free sleep, having sweet dreams about upcoming days without drains! Lol

I'm free!

Well I'm home! I skipped out of jail and get to be with my family! I'm handing the pain much better then I expected. I'm doing it with pain meds of course but it's manageable. I finally stopped vomiting and kept breakfast down today which is big. I always did have lots of practice with throwing up though (thanks to my 2 lovely daughters). I was told I get my 2 drains out for sure on Friday. I will have to ask Dr. Janiga (my plastic surgeon) when I can pick up Audrey, hopefully by week 4 because I will be back on my own by then. I have a couple family members who said they would help thank goodness. He said nothing more then 10 lbs but my chunk is like 14 or 15, maybe I should just quit feeding her so she doesn't get any bigger! Haha just kidding. I was so happy to see my girls at home. Rylie made me a card and Audrey was my cute smiley baby. She rolled over for the first time while I was gone of course. I'm super excited that she did though what a big girl! Well that's all that is happening for now, Rylie keeps telling me she will be super gentle with me since I have a booboo. She had Donna preform surgery on her yesterday, she loves doctor stuff and surgery, she's my little surgeon. I'll write again soon when I have an update, for now I'm going to sleep. :)

My surgery and the beginning of my recovery

(If there are any spelling or grammar issues, I'm going to warn you it's because I'm on Dilaudid, a very strong pain killer, much stronger then morphine. I'm going to miss it when I get home and realize I have a ton more pain lol). I've been waking up every 2 hours or less. I haven't been woken up by my nurse at all, (which is awesome and a first) just from pain and not being able to roll over (I'm a side sleeper, which isn't going to happen for a while dang it). My surgery went very well I was told and my plastic surgeon put more saline in the expanders then he normally would because he said he was able to. (at least I'm not completely flat chested at the moment, not as much of a shock factor. I have 4 drains and he said 2 might come out this fri or following Monday but the other 2 might take 2 full weeks. Bummer, they are a pain but they gave me a great spaghetti strap shirt with pockets for the drains to keep them out of my way, very nice. I get to leave tomorrow sometime, possibly morning ish. They said the less time in the Hosp the better chance I have for not getting an infection and I'm all up for that. I've had lots of problems with nausea and vomiting though. They ended up putting me on 2 different types of anti nausea meds (Benadryl being one of them actually, who knew!) and them together seem to be helping. I'm also very itchy from the narcotics so the Benadryl is helping with that as well. AJ stayed with me last night until I fell asleep. He is such a god send, he's so helpful and caring. My dad came to the hospital as well and relieved AJ so he take a couple go get lunch. He didn't get dinner because he didn't want to leave me alone so I shared my food with him (which tasted so great because I had been fasting, although it came back up like a minute later lol). My dad was tearing up when he first saw me. I think it brought back memories of my mom doing this, and I'm his baby and what parent wants to see their baby in pain? Im so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life checking up on me non stop, it's not bothersome at all. I know how scary it is for them to see their friend go through major surgery and I don't mind any of the texts, emails, fb posts etc. I will write back every one back at the times that I'm not falling asleep from the pain meds. (I fell asleep midway through eating my graham cracker. AJ laughed and woke me up. ) I'll be blogging as much as I can now to keep everyone informed on my journey. Well my pain meds are kicking in an I've fallen asleep twice writing this so i better stop before I decide I need to spill dirty family secrets!! Haha jk Ash and Erica. (who by the way are amazing cousins, the sisters I never had :) I'll post on Facebook when I write a new blog so you know when to check it out. Now goodnight world!

Pre op

(wrote this 5 mins before surgery but couldn't post it until now.)  I'm almost ready to go, got my iv in and am waiting for the surgeons to arrive. I'm so nervous my stomach is thumping as hard as my heart holy heck! I miss my girls but I know rylie will have a blast with Donna because she gets sick of seeing my face everyday lol I was blessed with a great nurse and doctors who have made this as smooth as possible and have calmed me when I'm tearing up. Breath*. Well drs all saw me so here we go. I'll see you when I wake up :)

Tomorrow is the day I say goodbye to the "girls"

Well tomorrow is the day. I have to get up at 4am to get to the hospital at 5:30am for check in. I'm still awake because my anal self had to get the house organized and under control before I'm down for the count. I'm very nervous, it's finally hit me. I really don't want to do this, I don't want to go through the emotional and physical pain. I know I have to though. I will not get cancer and leave my girls if I can help it so this is a must! Donna is here now to watch the girls, she also had a double mastectomy 10 years ago so she has been such a wonderful help to me. I know my family will be in great hands and so will I when I get home from the hospital. I should probably go to bed now since my alarm will be going off in 4 hours, I will update as soon as I'm able on how I am. I know people don't understand why my mom had to die, but sometimes I believe God has a much bigger plan. I would have never got tested if she was alive which means I would have been going through the same treatments as her in a few years. She is gone but I am determined to not take life for granted and to do whatever I can to prevent this disease so I can be there for my little family. If I end up getting sick after all, at least I know I did everything I could to try and prevent it. So even though my mom can't be there to hold my hand, she will be with me and I know she is so glad I am doing this. I miss that great, hilarious, neat freak woman every day of my life. I just hope I can be as loving, knee slapping funny, giving as she was. (I already inherited her list making, clean freak trait) :) So wish me good luck and let's hope the get the iv in on the first try haha (never gonna happen!) 

Music, the way to my heart

Ok so those of you who know me knows that music is the way to my soul. I love music, all kinds of music but mostly music that has words that reaches down deep and makes me think. After my mom died, I found a gift card to the Christian book store His Word that my mom bought for me oooh 2 years before. I hadn't used it so I went in to see if it was still good. I saw this necklace that said faith, hope and love on it. It was something my mom would have bought me so I decided to buy it. I also ran across this cd from Josh Wilson. I had heard one of his songs on the radio before and it was only $5.00 so I decided to buy it. I loved it! That sunday I went to church with my dad and saw that Josh Wilson and Matthew West was coming to Sparks Christian Fellowship (the church I was at) and told my dad about it. He couldn't believe that Josh Wilson was going to be there since he heard my CD and also really liked him. He immediately bought us tickets and meet and greets. We met Matthew West before the concert and I was not familiar with his music at all but I thought I would meet him anyway. I bought 2 of his CD's there and 1 of Josh Wilsons. The concert was seriously awesome! Their music says so much and is perfect for every difficult thing that has seemed to happen in my life. Anyway, where I'm going with this is I was playing around on the computer and I found some of Matthew West's music and turned it on. All the memories of my mom passing away flew back and hit me like a ton of bricks. But not in a super sad way, in a way that I was at such a low point back then, I had no clue as to how I would ever be able to move forward. Then I looked at today and realized that I had... somehow. I now have 2 beautiful girls. That right there is something so amazing that has made my life wonderful. I was at such a low point I hated when people would say it will all be ok with time because I honestly thought they had no clue how I felt. They might have not experienced the exact same thing as me but everyone has gone through their own low point but we all move on and live, somehow. I thought I would post some lyrics to a song by Matthew West. This song was one that reminded me so much of my mom. I'm not sure if she ever got to hear it but if she did it would have been her anthem lol. She was always trying to help other people over herself, and this song is one that inspires me to do things for others. If I can't physically do something, I can at least be kind.
Here's the Lyrics to the song, My Own Little World:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I've never gone hungry or always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me
I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts
and I turn off the news when I don't like what I see
it's easy to do when it's
population me
What if there's a bigger picture
what if I'm missing out
What if there's a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world
Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said "Help this homeless widow"
Just above this sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, "God, what have I been doing?"
So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by
I gave her some money then I drove on through
in my own little world there's
Population two
What if there's a bigger picture
what if I'm missing out
What if there's a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world
Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours
give me open hands and open doors
put Your light in my eyes and let me see
that my own little world is not about me

The last line says it all... life isn't about me. People say they don't know how I am dealing with my surgery and it's a simple answer, I'm doing it for my girls. So as I end this and go to bed, I hope someone reads this and even though you might have had a seriously crappy day, there might be someone out there who needs you and had a devastating day. So try to think of others or send a nice little message to someone you love, because life without love really isn't worth it, thats how I feel anyway. :)

(Here is the link to the song that goes with the lyrics so you can hear it.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Yasgzjc0w)

The amazing people in my life

I was having such a hard time tonight because Audrey has wanted to nurse all day and I am trying to officially be done. I was having a break down when I decided to text my moms best friend Donna. She immediately called me and I hesitated answering because I was crying. I did answer though and I am so glad I did. She talked to me about my mom and her experience, she helped remind me of why I was doing all of this. My goal is to be here for all of my loved ones, to live a long healthy life and as my friend Morgan pointed out, even though this is hard today, the day of my girls wedding day I will be so thankful I could be there to proudly see it that today will seem like nothing. This experience is not only to help me physically fight future cancer, but it has shown me what amazing people I have in my life. There are times I looked around and really wondered if anyone would be there if I truly needed them like I do now, and I wasn't so sure. Tonight has taught me to live life with a purpose, live life as kind as possible, fighting, jealousy and hate should be as obsolete as possible because really, what's the point? I hope that if there is someone in need that I can be as amazing of a friend as Donna is to me, and my friend Lisa who has also helped me along the way.  My dad emailed me today that he is booking a flight out of town for a mandatory work conference to 630 the night of my surgery instead of that morning. Even though I will be in surgery and not be able to see him, it's nice to know he wants to be there and keep AJ company, even though he really doesn't have to.  These people have inspired me to do little acts of kindness to some people, someway that will just make their day. What is the point of living life to just live? It's the people in our lives who make it worth while. I hope when you read this that it can inspire you to think about the relationships you have and what little things you might be able to change to make things a little better. Sorry if this all seems too peppy and preachy but I guess I just feel lucky at the moment to have people in my life who make me feel I need to live every second I can to the fullest because they want me around in their lives. The power of friendship is an amazing thing. :) 

My mastectomy is scheduled!

Hello! Soooo I have the brca1 gene which is us breast and ovarian cancer gene that I have mentioned in an earlier post.  I was tested for it a year ago when my mother died of breast cancer. It came back positive, which means I have a 90% chance of developing breast cancer. After talking to councilors and doctors, I decided a year ago to get a double mastectomy. I didn't want to go through what my mom went through and I need to be around for my 2 girls. My insurance out of pocket is paid for the year after having Audrey so I decided to have the surgery this year otherwise it would cost 3,000 out of pocket which I'd like to avoid. I was planning on nursing until August or September but it turns out my reconstruction process will take 6 months to complete so my surgery is scheduled for June 18th. I have to stop nursing at least a month before so I don't get an infection. I've been weaning Audrey for a week now an am down to one feeding a day. I wasn't anxious about the surgery until now. I so don't want to stop nursing. She's been supplementing with formula since she was born off and on because of weight issues (which isn't a problem now for my chunk lol) so I know she will take formula, the problem is she likes to nurse and it's a mommy and Audrey connection thing. She will spit out the bottle sometimes and try to nurse and I have to turn her away which makes her cry. I know I need to stop but it is so extremely difficult because if I ever do have anymore children (which I'm not currently planning on lol) but if I do, I will never be able to nurse them again. It's not about me thinking formula is unhealthy, that part is fine, it's mainly about the whole bonding thing. I guess if you have never nursed a baby you might not fully get it but it's just a struggle that I'm currently dealing with. Some people have said "well if it bugs you so much, why not wait to get your mastectomy?" as it is a good point, I would rather not pay the extra money if I don't have to and I need to do this surgery soon for piece of mind. I had a lumpectomy when I was 14 weeks pregnant because of an abnormal MRI. Then when Audrey was  4 weeks old I had to get another MRI  and had to pump and dump because of the iodine they gave me for 48 hours and that came back abnormal and inconclusive as well (because I was nursing, the tissue was too dense to see through). So I'm always having scares and it's way too stressful. Basically this needs to be done now but the quitting nursing thing is heart breaking. This is going to be a long journey! I get my surgery on June 18th at 730am. I have to check in at 530. It will take around 2 1/2 hours. They will remove all of the breast tissue and place expanders in each side and fill them just a little bit. I will stay over night and then go home the next day. My great friend Donna Williams (who is family) is coming to stay with us for a week to help out with the girls and me. She had breast cancer before my mom did so she can relate and help me through all of these tough steps. AJ will be taking the 2nd week off to help me (I'll have drains for a week to two weeks and won't be able to lift the girls for a long time). The third week I have my lovely Pridmore family coming to stay with me and help me with the girls. The Williams and Pridmore families are complete Godsends to me. I love them sooo much!! I wish Vegas was closer because I sure miss all of them! Anyway, I believe once I get my drains out is when they will start filling my expanders. I'll get more into that part after my surgery. The initial surgery is the most difficult one. I think the pain of not snuggling my girls will be worse then the surgery pain, there are drugs for that pain lol. I will blog more as it gets closer but this is the start to my very long journey I have ahead this year. We have filled the weekends before the surgery with trips of all sort that I will blog about so at least I will have some good things to look forward to this summer!! A lot of friends and family members wanted to be updated about all of this stuff so I decided instead of calling, texting an emailing all the time I can blog and keep everyone in the loop. I'm completely open about all of this because it's a huge part of my life. In not ashamed or shy to talk about any  of this. The bottom line is, I don't want my kids to lose their mom like I did. It's so hard not having my mom around to meet Audrey or see Rylie grow up. I want to see my grand and great grand babies grow up, I want to live for a very long time and annoy the crap out of my kids when I get old and crazy! Haha So I have to do what I have to do! 

My sick girl!

Well the day I left my last post was the day that my Rylie girl ended up getting very sick. She was very dizzy and because of her dizzy spells, she kept vomitting. We decided to wait it out thru the night and see how she was in the morning. Well the next day she was the same so we started driving to urgent care. Little did we know that the doctor would tell us to take her to the hospital for a ct scan, a bunch of tests and some iv fluids. She got a ct, a chest xray, blood work done and had to get her urine tested. Thank goodness she is old enough to pee in a cup because I so didn't want her to have to get a catheter. She did great through all the tests and cried during her iv but no screaming or anything. Overall she was such a trooper. They couldn't figure out what was going on with her although we all suspect a migraine. She was lethargic and dehydrated but once she was rehydrated via iv, she felt and acted sooo much better. Like our crazy Rylie again :). We had easter at my grandmas house with my cousins and in-laws that night and Rylie was spoiled as usual. Then we had easter dinner at my dad's with him and my stepmom's family. It was a fun night meeting everyone. Tedene's youngest daughter Adina has a daughter Zoey who was born 5 weeks after Audrey so we had lots of baby girls there. :) Rylie is doing great now so whatever that all was, I hope it doesn't happen again but if it does I will for sure make sure that kid stays hydrated!!

Audrey Elizabeth

Well it has been a very long time. Audrey was born on 1/22/12 at 1:44am. She weighed 8.4lbs and was 21.5 inches long. My labor was 8.5 hrs and it took 2 pushes and she was out. I had to get my epidural twice but all in all it was an easy labor. After she was delivered my placenta wouldn't detach so my dr had to pull it off which caused me to hemorrhage. It was very scary and took a long time to get it under control but the fabulous dr Perry finally did. Audrey had a lot of problems with weight loss from not eating and jaundice but after the first week, age started to do very well and is now a happy healthy 10 week old. Easter is this Sunday but we are celebrating it tomorrow with my grandma and inlaws and then going to my dads on Sunday to have Easter dinner with him and Tedenes family. For lent I decided to treat my body like a temple. At the beginning of lent I had lost 27 lbs since Audrey was born (I gained 8 with my pregnancy) and at the end of lent I've lost 8 more lbs making it a grand total of 35 lbs since Audrey was born. My goal is to loose 20 more lbs but I already weigh less then I did on my wedding day which feels great! I just eat all natural and very healthy. Not only to lose weight but to keep all my illnesses that I was unfortunately blessed with at bay without meds and to keep my immune system up and energy levels up since I don't get much sleep with Audrey not wanting to sleep at night. Lol. AJ has lost weight too, eats healthy and works out religiously. It's helped him in softball like no other. He can slam the ball now and run without feeling like he's going to die lol. I'm proud of him for working so hard. We are working on our backyard at the moment and our goal is to have it complete by the end of May and then our house will be complete!! We just bought a camping trailer and I can't wait to go on trips in it! Rylie is in love with it and wants to take it out so bad so we got out a calendar and set dates for this summer (weather permitting.. with Reno we never know haha). I have my mastectomy coming in a couple months but that will be in another blog when the date is set. It's going to be a journey. That seems all for now!

Audrey's first picture!

Daddy holding his sweet girl

Mommy and Audrey

Rylie meeting her sister for the first time

Big sister!!!