Goodbye drains!

All my drains are out! Yay!! It is so not fun getting them taken out but they are gone so I'm happy! I get to take a real shower tomorrow and I can't tell you how exciting that is. After going to the doctor we needed to run into Walmart for things like dog food, etc necessities and I was going to have AJ drop me off at home and take Audrey to the store but we live far from everything so I said screw it I'll go with you. I was doing really well but all of a sudden I started feeling nauseas (I've felt sick to my stomach all morning for some reason). It just got super strong so I told AJ to hurry it up. Then with every step I started feeling pain. I wasn't going to push any further so I said screw it and took the keys and went to the car. It was such a bummer because I've been stuck inside for a week and a half and getting out for just a bit sounded nice but I can't do it yet I guess. I'm going to go home, have something quick to eat, take some pain pills and crash out. I guess you need to appreciate the small things! So when you get in the shower, be glad you can, and that you are able to reach up and wash your hair without problems... I'm definitely not taking the small things for granted anymore! Yay for showers, as much as I loved getting sponge baths from everyone (ha! Right) I'm glad I'm done with that!!

It's been 1 week since surgery

Today I woke up in a lot of pain. I have been trying to get off of my pain meds and just take ibuprofen here and there. I have been setting an alarm at night to wake myself up and take some pain medication. Last night I didn't. I woke up this morning unable to move. AJ saw my face and immediately pulled me into a sitting position and gave me my prescription paid meds. I couldn't believe it's been a week and I feel like I am getting worse. Its not that I am actually getting worse, its that I'm on less pain medication so I'm feeling more. Unlike most surgeries, I won't start feeling better as time goes on. When people go through surgery, a week passes, 2 weeks pass and you slowly feel better. I will be able to do more but for months I will have pain. Thats what happens when you opt for reconstruction. During surgery Dr. Janiga (plastics) put in expanders under my breast muscles. He put in saline solution to start the expansion process. He put in more then he usually does at this step for a couple reasons, he felt that I could handle it and he wanted to get a jump start on my reconstruction process. This is used to stretch the muscle and skin so they can put the implants in (in a few months). Most of the skin over the breast muscle is numb but around it is so sensitive to the touch. Shirts hurt so bad against my skin. It feels like I have an extremely bad burn. My chest feels so tight. It feels like a super tight corset is around my chest while an elephant is sitting on it. I will go in and get my first fill (well 2nd but first after surgery) in a week or so and it will feel even tighter. This process is going to go on for a couple months and I am so unsure how I will handle constant pain. I am blessed to have a very high pain threshold, Rylie's 9 lb natural birth still holds the record for the worst pain I've ever been in (ha!), but this is constant for a very long period of time so it can be unnerving. I will be able to do it and every time I have severe pain I close my eyes, breath and picture my girl's faces (its amazing how they can always make me smile). If you have had the pleasure of being around them you know why. :) My drains currently make the pain a lot worse so I think I need to go back on my prescription meds until I hopefully get them out on Wednesday. It's hard to sit back and watch other people run my house and care for my kids. Its been pretty hard on AJ, he has been trying to juggle the girls, the house, meals and school (he is off work this week) and yesterday I thought I was going to run away from home but today went a lot more smooth. :)
Next step.. get drains removed! Lets hope it happens Wednesday!!

Drains.. How I hate thee!

Well I am getting 2 drains out in a little over 24 hours and I'm counting down each hour! I was able to have a sponge bath tonight which was sure better then nothing. It was not fun though, Shampoo was all that I could handle I said screw the conditioner I'm done! Lol I have to wait 2 weeks to get the other 2 out but at least I'm losing 2 on Friday. I have pockets in my shirt to hold my drains which is great but it can still snag on stuff. Donna was emptying my drains and by accident pulled on my tube, we both screamed and were scared to look and sighed in relief when we realized it was still stitched into my body haha. Picture 4 grenade drain stuffed under my shirt. I'm a lumpy mess, Rylie kept looking up my shirt to see if I had another baby in there. I said no baby and she said oh just fat then? Haha no Rylie, drains but thanks for the self esteem boost! Lol. Kids make my day! My friend Cyndi brought over Spaghetti and salad for dinner tonight, it was delicious. I had her stay and eat because I haven't seen her in so long and it was nice to visit with her. We also got cookies from my neighbor Amanda which was super nice and delicious! She was a nurse in my recovery so if I have any questions I can just run next door, so nice. I'm such a lucky duck :) Oh my Pathology report came back and it's all cancer free!! Fantastic news! Well good night all let's hope I get some pain free sleep, having sweet dreams about upcoming days without drains! Lol

I'm free!

Well I'm home! I skipped out of jail and get to be with my family! I'm handing the pain much better then I expected. I'm doing it with pain meds of course but it's manageable. I finally stopped vomiting and kept breakfast down today which is big. I always did have lots of practice with throwing up though (thanks to my 2 lovely daughters). I was told I get my 2 drains out for sure on Friday. I will have to ask Dr. Janiga (my plastic surgeon) when I can pick up Audrey, hopefully by week 4 because I will be back on my own by then. I have a couple family members who said they would help thank goodness. He said nothing more then 10 lbs but my chunk is like 14 or 15, maybe I should just quit feeding her so she doesn't get any bigger! Haha just kidding. I was so happy to see my girls at home. Rylie made me a card and Audrey was my cute smiley baby. She rolled over for the first time while I was gone of course. I'm super excited that she did though what a big girl! Well that's all that is happening for now, Rylie keeps telling me she will be super gentle with me since I have a booboo. She had Donna preform surgery on her yesterday, she loves doctor stuff and surgery, she's my little surgeon. I'll write again soon when I have an update, for now I'm going to sleep. :)

My surgery and the beginning of my recovery

(If there are any spelling or grammar issues, I'm going to warn you it's because I'm on Dilaudid, a very strong pain killer, much stronger then morphine. I'm going to miss it when I get home and realize I have a ton more pain lol). I've been waking up every 2 hours or less. I haven't been woken up by my nurse at all, (which is awesome and a first) just from pain and not being able to roll over (I'm a side sleeper, which isn't going to happen for a while dang it). My surgery went very well I was told and my plastic surgeon put more saline in the expanders then he normally would because he said he was able to. (at least I'm not completely flat chested at the moment, not as much of a shock factor. I have 4 drains and he said 2 might come out this fri or following Monday but the other 2 might take 2 full weeks. Bummer, they are a pain but they gave me a great spaghetti strap shirt with pockets for the drains to keep them out of my way, very nice. I get to leave tomorrow sometime, possibly morning ish. They said the less time in the Hosp the better chance I have for not getting an infection and I'm all up for that. I've had lots of problems with nausea and vomiting though. They ended up putting me on 2 different types of anti nausea meds (Benadryl being one of them actually, who knew!) and them together seem to be helping. I'm also very itchy from the narcotics so the Benadryl is helping with that as well. AJ stayed with me last night until I fell asleep. He is such a god send, he's so helpful and caring. My dad came to the hospital as well and relieved AJ so he take a couple go get lunch. He didn't get dinner because he didn't want to leave me alone so I shared my food with him (which tasted so great because I had been fasting, although it came back up like a minute later lol). My dad was tearing up when he first saw me. I think it brought back memories of my mom doing this, and I'm his baby and what parent wants to see their baby in pain? Im so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life checking up on me non stop, it's not bothersome at all. I know how scary it is for them to see their friend go through major surgery and I don't mind any of the texts, emails, fb posts etc. I will write back every one back at the times that I'm not falling asleep from the pain meds. (I fell asleep midway through eating my graham cracker. AJ laughed and woke me up. ) I'll be blogging as much as I can now to keep everyone informed on my journey. Well my pain meds are kicking in an I've fallen asleep twice writing this so i better stop before I decide I need to spill dirty family secrets!! Haha jk Ash and Erica. (who by the way are amazing cousins, the sisters I never had :) I'll post on Facebook when I write a new blog so you know when to check it out. Now goodnight world!

Pre op

(wrote this 5 mins before surgery but couldn't post it until now.)  I'm almost ready to go, got my iv in and am waiting for the surgeons to arrive. I'm so nervous my stomach is thumping as hard as my heart holy heck! I miss my girls but I know rylie will have a blast with Donna because she gets sick of seeing my face everyday lol I was blessed with a great nurse and doctors who have made this as smooth as possible and have calmed me when I'm tearing up. Breath*. Well drs all saw me so here we go. I'll see you when I wake up :)

Tomorrow is the day I say goodbye to the "girls"

Well tomorrow is the day. I have to get up at 4am to get to the hospital at 5:30am for check in. I'm still awake because my anal self had to get the house organized and under control before I'm down for the count. I'm very nervous, it's finally hit me. I really don't want to do this, I don't want to go through the emotional and physical pain. I know I have to though. I will not get cancer and leave my girls if I can help it so this is a must! Donna is here now to watch the girls, she also had a double mastectomy 10 years ago so she has been such a wonderful help to me. I know my family will be in great hands and so will I when I get home from the hospital. I should probably go to bed now since my alarm will be going off in 4 hours, I will update as soon as I'm able on how I am. I know people don't understand why my mom had to die, but sometimes I believe God has a much bigger plan. I would have never got tested if she was alive which means I would have been going through the same treatments as her in a few years. She is gone but I am determined to not take life for granted and to do whatever I can to prevent this disease so I can be there for my little family. If I end up getting sick after all, at least I know I did everything I could to try and prevent it. So even though my mom can't be there to hold my hand, she will be with me and I know she is so glad I am doing this. I miss that great, hilarious, neat freak woman every day of my life. I just hope I can be as loving, knee slapping funny, giving as she was. (I already inherited her list making, clean freak trait) :) So wish me good luck and let's hope the get the iv in on the first try haha (never gonna happen!)